The Best Quote I’ve Ever Heard About Love

Love isn’t sacrificing something for the other person, it’s accomplishing something _ (It’s Okay That’s Love, Jo In Sung.)

As a young woman in this contemporary society, there’s a conscious side of me always pondering the question of what I would have to give up in order to live the kind of life my culture and society expects of me?

The other day a woman asked me what I was studying in college and what I intend to do with it. I don’t get too thrilled when certain people ask me these questions, but I always try to give an honest answer. The woman listened on and appeared interested in my answer. I mentioned something about doing a lot of traveling and as I expected, I was immediately reminded that I am a woman and my biological clock was ticking or my night was getting darker (which was the phrase the woman used). I understood what she was saying, she meant I should drop my fancy notions and start thinking about marriage. In her opinion, it was going to be impossible for me to have the future I’m carving out for myself and have a successful family at the same time. And naturally family must come first because as women, we were raised from childhood with the mindset of having a family when we grow up.

While there’s nothing wrong with aspiring towards marriage, it does reduces or even eliminates so many other possibilities of what a woman could do with her life. Often, women have had to give up their dreams and ambitions so they could fit the mold society has dictated to them. I have thought it noble and very romantic in the past when I see women who were aspiring towards a big dream, suddenly give up that dream because they wanted to get married. I never questioned it because my culture elevates a woman sacrificing her ambitions for the sake of a man or her children.

But this quote made me think about it differently? Who says women can’t have it all? All our dreams, ambitions, aspirations and a successful marriage? Why does a woman have to give up one for the other? Wouldn’t men love it if their wives were overachievers in their chosen fields? Isn’t that something to be proud of? Why does a woman’s love have to mean giving up something? How about a love that accomplishes something?

I would love to see that kind of love. A love that dreams big and achieves big, a love that’s not restricted by cultural expectations. But maybe it doesn’t exist, I’ve seen it in Hollywood, but Hollywood is not the real world. My favorite quote about love is from a fictional character in a Korean drama I watched. That doesn’t give me much hope, but one can certainly dream.

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