We Are Just Dating

The older I grow the more I realize my stance is changing on a lot of things. I used to think an encounter with an attractive opposite sex has to lead to a potential date, and every date has to lead to a courtship and a courtship has to lead to marriage. So from the initial encounter with a person I find attractive, marriage is always at the back of my mind. Always thinking about marriage as the end goal naturally sends my mind into so many calculations that drastically limits how I let the encounter progress. If at the moment I meet a guy, I start thinking of him as a potential mate, then I certainly will start doting all the i’s and crossing all the t‘s, the 100 question to ask before you get married will start forming in my head, Is he attractive enough? Is he matured enough? Is he educated enough? Does he make good money? Is he spiritual enough? Will my family and friends like him? Will his personality fit with mine? Do we have the same interests? What are his ambitions? What are his goals? Etc. I have already made so much calculations and dismissals in my mind before I even get to know the person.

A lot of women probably have this kind of mindset too. With this mindset, there’s no way they are dating a guy who they didn’t think was spiritual enough, or a guy who was not earning as much as they wanted, or a guy who they think their friends will dislike, or someone that’s quite different from them. Why would you date a guy who does not meet the “husband” requirement on some list you’ve got? So this definitely limits the dating pool for those women. We are dismissing guys before we even get a chance to know them, which is what dating is all about or should be all about. Dating should not be a pathway to marriage, at least not at the initial stage, but if it does lead to marriage, that’s great. But we shouldn’t start dating a person with the mindset of getting married, this sets us on this path of measuring the person against some superficial criteria, and prevents us from seeing potential in a person who may not quite fit the bill we are looking for or who may not even tinkle our fancy initially.

But if we start thinking about dating as just getting to know a person, it takes away the pressure of marriage and getting it right immediately. We are able to open up our minds to so many possibilities and potentials for lifelong friendships, business relationships, and so on. It doesn’t have to be all about marriage, even if the guy doesn’t end up being your hubby, he could be a very good friend or a relevant connection to have in your network. There’s also the possibility of clicking with someone who’s not your taste at all, if you give yourself the opportunity to know them. I have heard some of the best love stories from couples who say they were not each other’s type. I for one have a preference for Nigerian guys, for this reason, I would not date a non-Nigerian because I want to marry a Nigerian man. But if I date a non-Nigerian, and really get to know the person, there’s a possibility that we could connect better than I ever could with a Nigerian and that person could just be the best man I could ever hope for. But if I don’t give that person a chance, or get to know the person, my great love story may never happen.

What I’m saying is, get to know a person before you decide if you want to marry them or not, you may end up really liking the person or it may not work out, but don’t think of marriage first. If it ends up not working out, you won’t be too disappointed and there are many other ways you could still utilize that relationship with the person, as I mentioned, they could be a relevant connection to have, everything is about networking these days. So date more, expand your horizon, date out of the box (but not too out of the box), relax, date with no pressure and just get to know people. That person could end up being your friend, business partner, colleague, helper, or even “the one”.