Is There Such A Thing As A Soul Mate?

I think there is need for clarification when I refer to myself as a hopeless romantic, because a lot of people are probably wondering what exactly does that mean? Well according to WhiteSmoke a website I found on Google, “A hopeless romantic is an expression describing a person who has romantic notions about life. For a hopeless romantic: life = love. Especially when that person is involved in a relationship – He/she thinks about love and romantic relationships in a different way than other people.” Okay not a bad definition, the website also added, “People considered to be hopeless romantics can also be described as dreamers, daydreamers, idealists, or sentimental.”  I have no problem with any of these words, in fact day dreaming happens to be one of my favorite pastimes and I thought the writer was right when he or she wrote that these also describes a particular personality. However, I drew the line at hopeless romantics being considered fools because they have romantic notions about life, but overall I think it is a good definition. But I decided to amend my bio and now I refer to myself as a realistic hopeless romantic.

Why do I consider myself a hopeless romantic to start with? I love love, I love the idea of falling in love but even more so the idea of staying in love. Romance is my favorite genre. I love to see people happy together and hate it when a relationship that’s not even mine comes to an end. I love fairy tales, I cry over sad love songs and movies and books and poems and you name it. I would love to be a professional match maker (no kidding). So I think all these qualifies me to be a hopeless romantic. Now as a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic who has seen tons of romantic movies and read tons of romantic books, the question raised in my title is very fascinating to me. I believe the problem with romantics in general is the refusal to balance the real world with the fantasy world. It’s not an inability, it’s a refusal. We just prefer to see things the way we want to see them regardless of what reality is proposing.

Reality: He may fall out of love with you

Romantic: No way, we are meant to be together forever.

Before I answer the question is there such a thing as a soul mate?  Let’s do a little mental exercise. Close your eyes and imagine a world where soul mates exists, everyone has a soul mate. Let’s name this imaginary world, Soulmatevilla. For some, it may be an utopia or a dystopia.  Now let me throw in some ideas into this imaginary space. We are in Soulmatevilla, everyone has a destined soul mate. No matter how many relationships you’ve had or how many times you’ve fallen in love, it’s never going to work out because they were not your soul mate. Your soul mate is supposed to love you forever. If you happen to get married in Soulmatevilla, you are not going to be happy and most likely it will end in divorce because that’s not your soul mate. Now it all makes sense, all those heartbreaks, and disappointments, it was because they were not your soul mate! We are in Soulmatevilla a world where you don’t even need to go out of your way to find the right person,  you have a soul mate and eventually you’ll be together,  no need for endless dating, hookups, searching, and heartbreaks or frustrations. Destiny will bring you together. You are already turning thirty but you’re not bothered because your soul mate is still on his way and you’ll meet him someday!  In fact in Soulmatevilla, it’s better if you don’t date much because you may be too distracted with the person you’re with and miss your soul mate.  But not to worry, they will never be happy with anyone else but you because that’s how it works. But the thing is you’ll never be happy with anyone else either. So the stakes are quite high if you do not end up with this soul mate.

Eventually you find this soul mate and you’re together at last, how beautiful is that?! Well that depends doesn’t it? because there’s something called human nature after all, as in humans are prone to mess up. So what if your soul mate just happens to cheat on you? You can’t leave him because he’s your soul mate. What if he has a chronic disease and is going to die shortly after you meet? He’s your soul mate, your only chance at happiness is forever gone. That’s just your luck ain’t it? But it’s not your fault, after all you didn’t choose this person he was chosen for you.

Now let’s imagine a different world, no soul mates. A world of choices, we don’t need to name this world but you can close your eyes if you prefer.  In this world, the choice is all yours, you get to pick and choose whoever you want to be with. The only thing is, unlike Soulmatevilla, they may not choose you back because it’s all based on choices, there’s no force in the universe controlling their will. But you are also free to choose someone else. In this world as well, there’s something called human nature and the person you choose may break your heart. But the good news is, you’re not stuck! Unlike Soulmatevilla, this person is not your only chance at happiness!

I think it’s pretty obvious which world of the two described most people would prefer. But does soul mates exist? The answer is No and Yes. I wish it was simpler, but sorry it is not. Soul mates exist and they don’t. It depends on how you choose to look at it. A soul mate is not this one person the universe picked for you and you’re stuck with for as long as you live, and no matter what, you will be together forever. There’s no such person. A soul mate is someone you choose! Yes your choice!  You create your own destiny and choose your partner and you choose to be happy. You are free to decide if that person is going to be your soul mate or not.  And you take responsibility for your choices. If it doesn’t work out, it’s not because the person is not your soul mate, it’s because the both of you did not make it work. So come rain come shine, come sickness come health, come cheating come faithfulness, you have made the choice to be with that person, and that person has made the same choice to be with you. That’s the true meaning of soul mate.

I see soul mates all the time and I’m glad for it. It’s going to be quite a sad and pitiful world without them. They give me hope and restore my faith in love and marriage. Soul mates are couples who have managed to be together for a very long time, despite all the odds and challenges of life and marriage. They have chosen unity over divorce, loyalty over disloyalty, each other over the rest of the world. Sure they have their issues, it’s the real world, of course everyone has issues, but they have chosen to be together. They have chosen to be soul mates forever.

I saw them in the park recently, slowly walking together and holding hands. They have been together for over 70 years and will be together till their dying days. Their names were soul mates, and I thought it suited them well.