Ten Don’ts of a Relationship

The list is almost endless when it comes to the do’s and don’ts of a relationship. The truth is, it is impossible to know or learn it all and most of these things we just have to learn as we go. Even couples who have been married for quite some time still discover one or two things that they could have done better. But we can avoid some unnecessary heartaches by having some basic knowledge about relationships. Here are just a few don’ts for folks to keep in mind as they begin that journey toward hopefully happy ever after.

• Do not compromise your values for love. Just don’t do it. Do not amend what you believe is right for anyone. You believe in God, he or she doesn’t, what are you doing with that person? You respect family and want them to be a part of your life, he or she doesn’t even have a decent relationship with his or her family, what are you doing with that person?  It’s all about values baby. If you don’t hold the same sets of principles, how is the relationship supposed to work?
• Do not fall in love before you get all the right answers. How are you supposed to get all the right answers? Ask all the right questions! People reveal themselves through their words, even liars. Ask the important questions, including how much he or she has in the bank, why, how much they intend to have and how. Let’s stop deceiving ourselves about these things, money is important! Both parties should be equally good with their finances.
• Do not change for anybody. If you change for someone, it’s only a matter of time before your revert to who you were. So he likes women who wear dresses, eats daintily and speaks softly and I’m the jeans and sneakers kind of person. My dear stick to who you are, he either accepts you for who you are or takes a hike. If you do intend to change, that choice should come from within.
• Do not expect him or her to change for you. I believe people can change and do change, but I do not ignore those who say, “if he’s always been cheating, he’s going to keep on doing it even after marriage.” Women especially like to think they’ll be the magic that turns things around. He’s gonna fall in love with me and he’s gonna be a different person. He’s gonna stop drinking, he’s gonna stop cheating, he’ll become brand new! News flash, it doesn’t work that way. I repeat change has to come from within. It has to be that person’s decision to change.
• Do not fall in love! Oh yes I said it. Don’t fall in love. If you fall in love, you’ll fall out of it. Love with a purpose, love intentionally. Know what you’re getting yourself into. Don’t be swept away by some emotions and a rush of chemicals and end up with the wrong person! Some of us are lucky that we fall for the right person, but many of us are not so lucky. People tend to be more cautious after the first or second time around, but we could have avoided the heartbreak in the first place if we had been more careful. Instead of falling in love, why not walk into love? That’s implies that you have your faculties in place and you’re making a deliberate decision to be with this person.
• Do not lay your burdens on someone else.  Ladies and gentlemen, get your act together. Understandably, life happens and there are certain situations that we can’t help, but try as much as possible not to be a burden to your spouse. Don’t enter into a relationship being an emotional mess, sort that situation out first. Don’t be a financial burden either.
• Do not pretend to be what you’re not. What’s the point? Won’t you rather be loved for who you are than the fake version you’re putting out there? If you pretend to be what you’re not, your true self will never feel loved because you know the person is not loving the real you but the facade. And if you think the real you is not good enough to offer to someone, then do something about it. Fix your character issue or fix your confidence issue, or whatever issue it is that is making you feel unworthy, because you are worthy of love. The real deal.
• Do not equate sex with love. They are two entirely different things that have almost no correlation. It’s crazy how people still use sex as a weapon. If you love me you’ll have sex with me or I want to sleep with you because I love you. Dude seriously? In fact, the ability to restrain or abstain for the sake of making it seem precious in a world where sex is treated so casually, is an expression of deep love.
• Do not assume. I am that type of person that wants to hear you say the words before I believe. I want to see the actions. Don’t assume things about your partner, it will only lead to frustrations. Don’t make assumptions about how he or she feels about a certain situation or about you. Don’t make assumptions about what they will or won’t do.
• Don’t take the other person for granted. This tends to happen after the relationship has lasted for a while and we believe that person ain’t going no where. We begin to treat them with less care and intensity than we used to when the relationship began. This could be the most annoying thing. I have witnessed how as time goes on, the respect begins to dwindle, the care and affection begin to decrease, and couples begin to take each other for granted. This could be the beginning of the end of a relationship.

Now we already know that relationships are a whole lot of fun and could be very enjoyable and fulfilling. There are many information out there already about the joy and bliss of love, we see it in romantic movies, read it in romance novels, envy it in some of the couples we know. But there is a need to counterbalance that glamorized image of a romantic relationship as well, because for it to be rosy, it takes a lot. Now are we willing to put in the effort?