Submission, Marriage, and the Truth We Don’t Want to Hear

Conversations around marriage, gender roles, and submission have become some of the most polarizing in our time. On one hand, many women feel that submission has been weaponized against them—used as a tool to silence, control, or diminish their humanity. On the other hand, many men argue that without submission, marriage loses its balance, harmony, and even its appeal.

In a recent episode of Altars and Agendas, I explored this tension. A viral video sparked the conversation: a man argued that marriage rates in America are collapsing not because men fear commitment, but because modern women have “abandoned femininity.” According to him, when femininity is rejected, the magnetism that draws men to protect, provide, and lead dies with it. He went as far as to say: submission has turned into a conditional trade deal—and that isn’t love, it’s extortion.

That’s a heavy claim. And whether we agree or not, it forces us to wrestle with questions we can’t ignore:

• Has the concept of submission been distorted beyond recognition?
• Are men avoiding marriage because they feel like sponsors rather than partners?
• Has cultural messaging—“be rebellious, be independent, be a boss”—made marriage look like slavery instead of partnership?
• And most importantly: how do we hold up truth without tearing down men or women?

Here’s what I know: the goal is not to tear anyone down. Especially not within our own community. The goal is to hold up a mirror with truth and compassion. Sometimes that truth stings—but it is meant to sharpen, not to shame.

We can love our people and still call out what needs healing. We can protect women from false submission while also calling men to sacrificial leadership. We can wrestle with culture, faith, and human brokenness without giving in to extremes.

If this tension intrigues you—or even makes you uncomfortable—I invite you to listen to the full conversation where I unpack these ideas in depth.

Is Femininity Dead? Why Men Say They’re Done with Marriage