What Makes Marriage Worth It?

May is such a special month for me. It’s the month in which I am reminded of just how fast time is moving as I draw closer to old age. Time takes on a new significance for me, as I am reminded of how little of it I have to accomplish some of the feats that are expected of me before it’s too late. I’m sure we all have ventures that we want to undertake before we reach a certain age or before we die. Be it ventures that we ourselves choose or ones that are chosen for us.

For most of us single women and men, marriage is the number one enterprise that has been chosen for us. We are expected to undertake this project at some point soon.

I was having a late night conversation with a friend recently. It was of the reflective nature. My friend and I were just kicking it back on a warm spring night and we got talking about life and basically what’s next? I just turned a new age, I am grateful to God for all I’ve been able to get done with my life so far. I don’t take the privileges for granted. Marriage is unsurprisingly a common theme in many of my conversations with folks. I have been officially writing and talking about marriage for close to two years now. But that aside, I am a young single individual, so it’s not uncommon for marriage to come up a lot in my discussions with people.

As we were talking, my friend who was an equally single person said, “if I have a choice, I would not get married.” And I responded that it was entirely up to him. It was his decision to make. At the end of the day, no one will actually drag him in black tuxedo to a court or a church, and no one will handcuff him to a woman. This was my response but if I was being honest, it’s not quite as simple as that. While of a truth, singles are not being physically forced into marriage. The societal pressure is very real. It’s just as dictatorial or forceful as being physically dragged to get married.

This theme of societal pressure is one that has gained a lot of traction of recent, especially among single women who are moving toward 30 or have passed it. 30 is referred to as the expiration date of a woman and I discovered that this cuts across all cultures. All women have this in common, regardless of their race, or socioeconomics (income, education, occupation).

However, it seems as though men feel the pressure to get married as well. But more attention is focused on women’s experiences. Perhaps thanks to the infamous biological clock. Biology teaches us that female fertility is affected by age. It’s nature, we can’t fight it. So we must accept fate and endeavor to make hay while the sun shines. Unfortunately for many of us, it’s not quite as simple as that. Many unforseen circumstances can lead to delay in giving birth. One of which is getting married later, which itself can be caused by many other unforseen circumstances.

However, people don’t care to know our individual journeys or stories, they only want to see success, which often in their conclusion is marriage.

I have said this several times before and I do believe it, more people will stay single if not for societal pressure to get married. I have entertained the thought of remaining single myself, but I’m not fit to be a rebel. I’m too much of a romantic.

With this strong conviction that many people will stay single if they have a choice, I began wondering what then makes marriage special and if it is indeed special, why would people opt out if they had a choice?

The answer was quite simple it’s almost astounding in its simplicity. Love. Yes, love, that four letter word is the answer. Love is what makes marriage special. Without love marriage is not worth it.

If we trade love for other material things then marriage really ain’t worth nothing.
Love should be the only motivation that will drive a single individual to give up his or her autonomy and freedom to be “shackled” down with another person. We must be crazy if we do it for any other reason than love! Because marriage is in a sense a prison. I don’t mean to sound like a pessimist. Marriage could be a sweet prison, but not without love. So love, that familiar cliché is what makes marriage special.

It’s in marriage that people learn what love is, through caring for the other person and putting their needs first. It’s really one of the greatest human accomplishments, the ability to love another human that is not your own flesh and blood. This is why marriage is worth it.
And it’s wrong to enter into the union with the mindset of what does the other person have to offer me? It should rather be, what do I have to offer the other person? It makes for the best of relationships when each individual come together with this mindset.

If we never become known as some of the famous people in the world, if we never invent something that puts our name on the map or accomplish a great feat, but have only learned to love and be loved, then we have fulfilled a great purpose on earth. If all we ever do is love someone, we can be whole heartedly proud of ourselves.

Love stands in the same categories of other human successes. In fact, I believe it tops them all. It is most noble and not as publicized, but loving another human is one of the greatest feat we’ll ever accomplish, for those who have been privileged with that opportunity.

Love is the most powerful force in the universe! We should all welcome the chance to be able to channel this force. It’s a great honor indeed.