Love is Only The Beginning

A couple of months back when I wrote the blog post All You Need is Love and Then Some, I did not realize just how true those words are. The foundation of every relationship should be love. I have often emphasized that couples should not get married for any other reason. Marriage is not worth it when couples do not love each other. But the older and more experienced I grow, I realize it actually takes more than love. Because while it is good to have a solid foundation on which to build our relationship, it does not end there. If you have read The Colorful Path, you’ll see that I likened marriage to a house. I’ll reapply that same analogy here. Love (foundation) is the most basic component two people coming together as a couple should have. But a foundation is only a piece of the puzzle that makes up a house. No one in their right thinking mind will see a physical foundation and say this is it, we have a house. The same principle applies to marriage. When two people love each other that is only the foundation, the beginning of what needs to come together to make the relationship work.

A foundation alone as important and vital as it is does not make up a house. Other essential elements are required and then some other components that we may trivialize, but without which a house will be unfinished. All these pieces are different in their role but they are all vital. In my book, I mentioned four pillars every marriage must have, which are Respect, Understanding, Forgiveness, and Sacrifice. When I wrote the book I did not realize just how crucial these four supporting structures are. I also mentioned in the book that it does not end there, every detail down to the wallpaper and carpet color is significant. These little things are what makes a difference between a beautiful house and an ugly one. But what I have also discovered is that we tend to put a lot of emphasis on love, which is good, but we do this at the detriment of these other equally important elements. We sometimes put all our focus on love while ignoring these other pieces; respect, compromise, submission, forgiveness, understanding, communication, trust, etcetera. They deserve equal attention. Without these other parts, a marriage will crumble.

Love is simply not enough. Love gives us a platform to build these other facets on, but it does not make up the whole building. So when we say I love you to someone, we need to come to the realization that it is only the beginning and it takes cooperation, time, effort, money, and willingness to go from a foundation to a fully completed livable building. The question then is, are we willing to put in the work?