Love is Not a Feeling. Love is an Act.

I was recently in a room full of young people who unanimously agreed that love is not a good reason to get married. I recall a particular young lady actually saying, I will never get married for love. The statement sounded offensive to the romantic in me. I could not think of a better reason to get married if not for love. Marriage just simply won’t be worth it. I will never understand those who choose a loveless marriage, but then again, I am a romantic and a bit of an idealist when it comes to my views on marriage. However, I can understand where these young folks were coming from. They have seen what adults refer to as love and what little it has to do with the success of a marriage. They have seen people who love each other, hurt each other or worse kill each other. So, they think to themselves, of what use is love?

But, I have come to realize that a lot of what we refer to as love is not love. Our perception of love is tainted and marred by our human frailties and flaws. However, love in and of it self is pure and unblemished. How can imperfect humans attain perfect love? Through sacrifice. Ever heard the saying, “there is no love without sacrifice”, and wondered why? Well sacrifice is an act, one that requires a person to perform it. Love is likewise an act.

One of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships is in thinking love is a feeling. We have reduced the greatest subject of all time to mere chemicals and hormones, how fallacious. Is it any surprise that our marriages are falling apart? We are basing eternal decisions on transient emotions; how do we expect that to work? So, when we no longer feel a certain way about the individual, we say we no longer love them, or we fell out of love.

Well love is not something we fall into, so how can we fall out of it? It’s not subject to our whims. It takes a lot of strength and courage to love because love is an act. One we have to repeatedly perform, and therein lies the sacrifice. Which means regardless of how we feel, we must love. We often ask people why they love someone, but that is the wrong question. It should be, how do you love?

We love through our actions. We love through exhibiting patience, kindness, respect, loyalty, forgiveness, long-suffering, trust, and perseverance. When we stop acting, or doing love, we are making a conscious decision to turn away from love. So, it was never about feelings, it was always about our actions.

So, is love a good reason to get married? Yes! But I say, find someone who is worth loving.