Melancholia

A Letter to Her Lover: Love is Not Enough

Dear Love,

If only love was all it took to make it work, then we wouldn’t need patience, kindness, faith, endurance and perseverance. There will be no assumptions that I will meet your needs and you’ll meet mine. We’ll just come together to stay together with motives devoid of ego. Not needing assurance, a sense of security and comfort because all we need is love. We’d expect nothing in return for all we give because love has no expectations.

I would not expect you to call me back because I called you. I would not expect you to support me because I support you. I would not expect you to trust me because I trust you. I would not expect you to love me back because I love you. I would not expect you to be there, always and forever.

But we’ve both come to the realization that it takes more than love to make this thing called marriage work. It dawned on us that saying those four-letter words, three words sentence, eight-character alphabets does not guarantee trust, hope and forever. If anything, it means nothing. “I love you” does not mean, I will not break your heart, I will not cheat on you, I will not leave you. But still we toss it around, at times with feelings, but usually so casually. In the similar fashion we say “I love chocolate” or “I love cars”, we allege our love to each other, often without the awareness that those words invoke expectations. They conjure images of happiness, gold jewelries, champagne, roses, laughter, moonlight kisses, and forever.

We profess love perhaps in hope that it means we care so deeply for each other, so much so that there’s no room for an interloper. Just I and you with nothing in between but love. Not I money and you, not I friends and you, not I family and you, not I ego and you, not I things and you, not I ambitions and you, but I love and you. I love you.

In naivety, we boldly declare it believing that is all it takes. We delude ourselves into thinking the Beatles were right when they sang Love Is All You Need, until we got married and we realized love is not enough, because if love was enough, it would keep us together. We found ourselves sinking, desperately trying to hold onto love thinking it is the anchor that will bring us ashore, but we found it not sufficient. Then we began to search for those other elements we needed to keep this ship, this relationship afloat.

We searched for trust but we couldn’t find it. We searched for hope and it was missing. Faith eluded us. Sacrifice was nowhere to be. What about mutual respect, kindness, patience, acceptance, empathy, and courtesy? They were gone, if ever we had them. Then we thought to ourselves, what exactly is the use of love? And why do people place so much emphasis on it if it cannot even make this union last?

Then we concluded that love is useless. But that did not sound right, so we delved deeper and the deeper we burrowed we realized we knew nothing about love. How arrogant we were to think love is an intense feeling or a deep romantic and sexual attraction, so as long as we felt that tug of the heart, that tingling sensation on our skin, and that butterflies in our stomach, we thought we loved each other. But that is not love. What then is love? we asked.
We looked to writers, poets, philosophers and composers for answers. We read literatures, heard songs, and watched films in hopes that we would get an answer but they all failed us. Then we realized love is not a thing that can be stumbled upon, or fallen into, “I fell in love” is one of the biggest flim-flam we ever invented. We don’t fall into love like we fall into a pool, if anything love is like little drops of water that takes years to turn into an ocean.

Love is a tree that grows and if only we have the patience to nurture it, we would see its fruits in due seasons. Love is not enough because it is still a seed when we started dating. We planted it when we got married, but that is only the beginning of a lifetime of sacrifice, endurance and perseverance. But we give up too soon. We lost the motive to be together because love was not convenient. Yes, we got love, but what is love if it cannot keep us together forever? Love is nothing but an abstract.

ife oto. Love is not enough.

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