Is There Such a Thing as Mister or Miss Right?
As a woman in her mid-twenties, now seems about right to really begin to sift out “the one”. I was having a conversation with a potential future groom earlier this month, and he wanted to know my level of readiness for marriage. Well, there I was thinking I’m ready, but what does readiness really mean? I have had one or two guys tell me I’m not ready. But how dare they judge me by their standards? Just because I don’t want to be with them does not mean I’m not ready when the right person comes along. And therein lies the crux of my conversation with the said prospect. I told him I wanted to get married, but I am not desperate for marriage. I am willing to wait until the “right person” comes along. And he said, it is an assumption to think that there is a right person. That statement got me thinking, what exactly is “right”?
After my experiences with failed relationships, well maybe I shouldn’t call them failed, they have all been learning blocks leading me to the path of more wisdom. Wisdom they say comes from experience. But after these encounters, RIGHT has taken on a whole new meaning to me. Right is no longer an elusive or superficial element. Right, now has more dept and meaning.
If I were to judge who is right by my previous standards or even most of our current standards, then I have met, and even dated some Mister Right. I have found men to whom I am attracted, dated men whom I loved (vice versa), and with whom I am compatible. That about sums it up for most people. By these standards, we have the perfect ingredients to make marriage work, or so we think. But I could no longer judge right in that way, because I am still single, in spite of having met guys with whom I fell in love.
If the “right person” is right by our standards, there would be no broken relationships or marriages. All of our love relationships would work out just fine. So, the failures we encounter are perhaps a good indication that we should reexamine what the right person looks like. Now we may be thinking it differs for everyone, because one man’s food is another man’s poison, what is right for one person may not be right for the other person. And I agree with this point of view to an extent, but I am also of the school of thought that what is right is right and what is wrong is wrong, period. What is right should always be applicable in every situation, at every time, and in every place. So, taking this approach into relationships, I believe a person is either right or wrong. It’s not that they are wrong for you and right for another person. At this point, I know you probably want to argue with me, but let me explain.
In my previous relationship, we were attracted to each other, we loved each other, we were compatible, our goals aligned, but we were not right. Not for each other or for any other person for that matter. Because if we happen to meet other people right after breaking up, the same issues that caused the relationship to break up will occur again. Because it was never about the other person, it was about us not being right within ourselves individually. We needed to get right with ourselves first before we can make a relationship work with anyone, given that we find the person attractive and compatible. But if we never become right as individuals, we will never be a Mister or Miss Right for anyone. We’d take the same baggage, the same flaws and the same issues into the next relationship. And if the other person happens to be a right person, our defects are likely to mess up the relationship. And God forbid the other person is defective as well, we’d end up in what I referred to as a parasitic relationship in The Colorful Path. We’d feed on each other to destruction. So, it takes two right people to make a marriage work.
What do I mean by RIGHT? Well right entails a lot of elements without which marriage is doomed to fail no matter how much we claim to “love each other”. I learned this the hard way, but I’m glad I did. Right means being in the correct posture and frame of mind to accept someone and to be in a fully committed relationship with that someone. To be financially ready, baggage free (or have a good management of your baggage), mentally prepared, spiritually sound and emotionally matured. It means being whole. Being perfectly aligned in your body, soul (mind, will and emotions) and spirit. Not fragmented.
Not having these qualities is a recipe for failure. And it’s not enough for one person to have it. It takes two to tango.
So, when I say I am waiting for Mister Right, I am not just referring to someone with whom I am compatible. I am waiting for someone who is right within himself as an individual. As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. Well, broken people live fractured lives and they break others. If you’ve been hurt before, then I’m sure it’s an experience you don’t want to go through again. So, take the time to get healed and reconnect with who you are, so you do not end up being the perpetrator to another person. Many of us instead of dealing with our issues, whatever they may be, we cover them up and then drag them into our next relationship, only to have the same cycle repeat itself.
My message for you is to deal with it. Get healed. Become whole. Only then can you be right for anyone.
At this point in my life, I consider myself a Miss Right. But I’m ever working on me, ever evolving, and increasing my value. Whatever phase you’re in, I invite you to join me on this journey of becoming Right. I am told we attract who we are. Maybe the right person is just waiting for you to become right yourself. And the universe will bring you two together soon.
