Guys Here’s How To Please A Woman

So this week I picked up We Should All be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I have had the book for a while but I have not made the time to read it. But I finally decided to read it because I needed it as a source for an essay I plan on writing for my gender and sexuality studies class. It’s always a breadth of fresh air reading Adichie,  there’s always something in her writing that just gives you immense satisfaction,  similar to the one I imagine people get after a good sex. I am still reading the book and there are lots of ideas there that I will still expand on and write about, but this one in particular really caught my attention, how to please a woman. Maybe because I’ve been noticing how clueless men are when it comes to pleasing women. Adichie mentions the fact that there are a lot of books and magazines telling women how to attract and please men, but fewer on how men can please women. This is so true! Men are poorly equipped in the act of pleasing women because we don’t teach them these things. I’m also realizing that men think it’s a given that they know what women want. Sorry to burst your bubble mister, you have no idea whatsoever. I’ve actually heard a lot of men say, “I know women more than they know themselves”, and I’m like what? how presumptuous is that? But I tend not to be too harsh in my criticism of these men, after all, they are a product of a largely imbalanced world where they are raised to believe  they are Lords and women are their subjects.  So it’s not entirely  their fault, they are victims too. So I decided to write a post about this largely ignored topic in the heterosexual romance narratives, how to please a woman. Because again, sorry to break it to you fellas, you really are very clueless when it comes to this.

So I made a list of a few things that would please me immensely as a woman, I can’t speak for all women in general, but we do share some traits, so this may be helpful to you in how you relate to your woman, but I also suggest you learn how to please your particular woman because the number one item on my list is this:

1. Women are different!  Yes women are not all the same, so stop making assumptions and generalizations. I hate it when I hear the phrase “that’s how women are”, I hate it especially when I’m not like that. I’m familiar with men attributing traits and characters to me that I in no way identify with, based on their assumptions about women, and the worst part is when I try to tell them I’m not like that at all, they don’t listen!
2. Learn about your particular woman, one size does not always fit all, don’t assume all women are like that, or she’ll like something because all women like it. Learn about what your particular woman likes!
3. Please do not compare her with other women especially when it’s a negative criticism, that’s just the most annoying thing ever!
4. You know what’s worst than a nagging woman? A nagging man. Stop nagging!
5. Please listen, don’t just hear, listen. Cultivate some serious listening skills. Sometimes we do mean the exact opposite of what we say and sometimes we mean exactly what we say.
6. Which brings me to number 6.  Ask questions, make sure you understand before you speak or act. Part of asking questions is seeking knowledge, which also ties to my next point.
7. Read books, listen to cassettes or CDs, listen to older couples, study study study and get knowledge about women, about relationships, about communication, about sex, about romance and so on. You need to upgrade your knowledge.
8. Maturity. Maturity is very attractive in men. I’m not asking you to be her daddy or try to school her or anything, she wants a friend, not a master. What I’m saying is be mature, learn to let go of little things, don’t be petty. Be the “older one”.
9. Spoil her! Yes spoil her, she wants to be pampered, she wants to feel like a queen, she wants to feel like your world, she wants to be the most important thing to you. You must make her feel like nothing comes before her.
10. Respect. Yes, respect!  Why in the world do men assume women do not crave respect, that they just want to be loved. No mister, I want my love and I want my respect. Don’t treat her like her opinion is less valuable or it doesn’t matter, don’t raise your voice at her or silence her opinion. Respect her feelings. Respect her thoughts. Respect her. Reciprocate whatever respect you think you deserve.

There are lots and lots and lots of ways to please a woman, but I’ve only mentioned a few. Do some research to find out the rest, but asking her may be a good place to start.