What You Gonna Give for Valentine?

On my usual train ride back home from lectures two nights ago, I reflected on the events of the week. I was seated at my favorite spot near a window, so it was easy for my mind to wander peacefully. I love looking into the pitch black tunnel. Some times, quick flashes of light streaks across my vision as the train quickly advances through the tunnel. Looking out the lexan window makes me feel I’m all alone in a world of my own, my cocoon. I momentarily forget about the other commuters sojourning to their various destinations. I plug in my earpiece to my favorite afrobeats and let the sound take me away. It’s about to be another Valentine, I mused. I remembered my International Relations professor saying earlier that some of us will be exchanging flowers this Valentine and to keep in mind that most of those flowers Americans give are from Kenya. I also recalled how co-workers had spoken about what gifts their significant other may or may not totally fall in love with, as they made purchasing decisions. I recollected also a curious chat I had with a stranger earlier in the week. For those who have been following my blog for a while, you probably know by now how much I love having conversations. Not just any conversation, but meaningful and hopefully intellectual ones. I am always up for a good dialogue if I have nothing more stimulating to give attention to. The stranger, who had stumbled upon one of my relationships blog posts and had then sent me a friend request on Facebook, narrated his sad love story to me. But this was what I surmised from his narrative, he was sad, but even more so because the relationship had ended just before Valentine’s. I suspected he is a romantic like me, so I envisaged how dispirited he must be that the love affair had dissolved in such a lovey dovey season as this. He spoke of how last year they had both decided to forgo the conventional gifts of chocolate and roses for a gift they had both really wanted. I would not go into details about what the gift was or how the romance was terminated. But these things I pondered as I sat there on the train, the silky voice of Kiss Daniel singing into my ears, girl cherish you, I stand for you…… talk to me o mama…..all I seek I find it in you.

I kept thinking about gifts. Those of us in a relationship are contemplating on that special package for that special someone. Valentine is probably the only time some justify the buying of presents for their significant other, so make it count. But I personally rather love the “just because it’s Friday” kind of gift. If you have seen the film Juwanna Mann, then you know what I am referring to. I am a romantic, so I pay attention to these cute little details in movies. I believe gifts should not be exchanged on valentine’s day or on holidays or special occasions only. Some times, we put too much emphasis on the money, we miss the intangible value of appreciating a person and being appreciated in return. A simple hair pin could mean more to her than the latest iPhone. It’s not about the gift, but rather the giver. A soft peck from a loved one could mean more than a deep french kiss from anyone.

At the end of the day, the best gift you could give someone is yourself and no monetary value can be placed on that. We estimate the worth of celebrities in economical terms, this person is worth this amount of money, that person’s market price is such and such. But really no amount of fiscal cost can truly estimate the value of a life. I once watched a Korean drama in which a wise little girl was asked, “what is the worth of a king?” The little girl answered “a penny”. The elders were aghast, how could a whole king be worth but a penny. The little girl answered, “to peasants who have very little, a penny means the world. They work so hard to earn the penny, they treasure the penny, and are disheartened if they should lose a penny. This is exactly how precious the king is to his subjects.” The king smiled at the girl’s answer and so did the elders, after perceiving the wisdom with which she spoke. This reminded me of the scripture in which Jesus said the widow who gave her mite gave more than all the rich givers who gave their thousands, because she had given all she had. So I wondered, is all we have too much to give to the person we profess we love? Depending on the answer to that question, we may want to reconsider our relationships.

Valentine is the season of exchanging goodies, it’s a great opportunity to be able to show in a token what the other person truly means to you. The gift itself no matter how expensive could not entirely capture the essence of what they represent to you, but it serves as a symbol. Having someone to bestow a gift on or to obtain a gift from is a precious token itself. Some people will not be receiving flowers or chocolates, and I hope those of us who do not yet have a lover would go out there and do something or buy something we truly desire because we more than deserve it. We have the gift of life and that is priceless! But to those of us who have a crush, a lover, a spouse, a special friend, a significant other and so on, keep in mind that the best gift you could give is your life and that entails your heart, your body, your time, your presence, your mind and most definitely your money! It is a combination of all of these things whenever they are needed. Do not keep telling the other person “you have my heart”, when you’re not physically present when they need you. You have my heart has become such a cliche for most of us. “I love you”, Don’t tell him, show him!

How about this Valentine we forget about the gifts that money can buy and think of something novel that you cannot place a price on? The parcels and the wrappers and boxes and ribbons and cards are all very wonderful, so are the chocolates and the roses. But the intangibles, even more so! Some gifts will be bought out of of obligation, some out of sincerity, some just because it’s Valentine’s, some for all reasons imaginable. So how about the gift of time? How about the gift of a very good heart to heart? No cell phones, no social media, no TVs, no electronics, just the two of you together. These gadgets are turning us into mere robots, fraught with mechanical feelings. If you cannot be with each other without your hands itching or reaching for your phone each minute, then you really should reevaluate your relationship. So during this Valentine season, don’t just buy gifts, assess your relationships, set goals, engage, talk, laugh, smile, hold hands, play, do whatever, do stuff. Can you do that with your significant other? I certainly hope so.