Can You Be a Christian... and Still Desire Kink?

Let’s be honest—this isn’t a conversation we hear much in the church. But it’s a real question for many believers: Can you love Jesus, pursue holiness, and still have desires that don’t fit into the “church-approved” box of sex?

For a lot of us, the answer hasn’t been simple. We’ve been taught to fear desire, to see pleasure as dangerous, and to assume that anything outside the norm—whether it’s fantasies, exploration, or even curiosity—is a slippery slope straight into sin. And yes, it’s true: the flesh is never satisfied. Feeding desire without discernment can absolutely spiral into a place where we’re no longer led by the Spirit, but by our cravings.

But does that mean every desire for something different—like kink or sensual exploration—comes from a place of sin or brokenness? Not necessarily.

It’s also true that a lot of what shapes our desires—especially when it comes to sex—has been influenced by pornography, media, and even abuse. That’s not something we can ignore. Unhealed trauma can distort our understanding of intimacy, and porn can feed fantasies that pull us away from God’s design.

Yet, there’s another side to the story: God created us with the capacity for desire, pleasure, and creativity. Sex wasn’t just designed for reproduction or duty; it was meant for joy, connection, and intimacy. The key is learning to discern:

What desires are rooted in brokenness or cultural influence?
And what desires are simply part of being fully human—created in the image of a God who designed pleasure?

Here’s what I’m learning:

Self-control is crucial, but it’s not about killing desire altogether. It’s about stewarding it.
Sexuality is complex, and we need space to ask questions, wrestle with tension, and seek wisdom—without shame.
The marriage bed is a place for freedom, not fear—but that freedom still calls for discernment, mutual respect, and love.

If you’ve ever felt trapped between your faith and your desires, you’re not alone. Let’s keep the conversation going, because the truth is: We can’t heal or grow in the dark.

I’d love to hear your thoughts: