“Differences in Personality” : A New Divorce Lingo?

I am a huge Korean Drama fan. They have been my companion since teenage-hood, helping to keep boredom at bay and filling my heads with images of what the bond between a man and woman should look like in reality, but is often not. However, I believe if the human mind is so good as to come up with such blissful onscreen romance, then surely, we are indeed capable of having such successful relationships in real life. The question then is why do we fail to? Why is our world not full of real love stories that seem too good to be true?
 
One of my favorite K drama couple both on screen and off screen recently filed for a divorce. I was scrolling through Instagram when I first saw their picture accompanied by a long paragraph. At first, I thought it was fake news and then I remembered they were not Americans. With a sinking heart, I knew my Wednesday night was about to turn sour as I rushed to Google to search for the story.
 
Like any other fan I was crushed, I even cried (yea yea). I was so besotted with this couple as I watched their onscreen romance in the hit drama series, Descendants of the Sun. When I heard they were dating for real, I beamed like a proud fan. I thought their chemistry was too palpable not to transcend the world of make belief. I celebrated their engagement when it was first announced and cheered their marriage afterwards. I remembered the excitement among us fans and how we wished them well.
 
Although, I was already a half cynic when it comes to celebrity marriages, I did not predict when this particular one will end. I did not want it to end. So, reading that the marriage was indeed coming to an end two years after a wedding that made International news, truly invokes a deep feeling of sadness. For the umpteenth time, I wished this couple could have made it work. But like other celebrity couples, they dropped the ball.
However, the last thing I want to do is castigate them, no one has a right to do so. I am sure they did what they thought was best for them, and truly at the end of the day, it’s their individual happiness that matters. But as I read the article on Soompi, a popular Korean entertainment news site, I could not help but note the reason for the divorce, “differences in personality”, a phrase that caught the attention of most readers I noticed, as I scrolled down to read comments from other K-netizens.
 
My first question was, what in the world does that mean? Of course, I knew what it meant to have different personalities, but when did that become a reason for divorce or when did that begin to impede the success of a marriage? I would think the home would be quite boring and colorless if spouses had the same personality. Isn’t it our differences that keeps things refreshing and fun? Without those differences the world will be a sterile inhabitable slough.
 
Differences are good! Hello, He who made them, made them male and female for a reason. Our different personality is not the issue. Our lack of knowledge on how to make those differences work in our favor is the actual problem. We fall in love in spite of those differences, and sometimes because of them. We simply don’t know how to stay in love.
 
Spouses are not supposed to be alike! That is missing the whole point of what marriage is all about. Marriage should be a testament that regardless of their differences, two people can live happily together in love.
 
Where is The Love?
 
Our differences are what complement each other! We are strong where the other person is weak. We bring vibrancy and color to their dull areas. We smooth out their rough edges. We bring humor to their seriousness. We bring calmness to their raging storm. Vice versa. That’s what makes marriage beautiful!

I was disheartened to say the least. These two people whose incredible talent I admire, have failed to make their marriage work, over a reason they viewed as a weakness, but which in actuality is a great arsenal if used correctly. Their differences in personality was supposed to help make their marriage last forever.
 
But Irreconcilable Differences is really no news when it comes to divorce. It is the convenient go-to excuse for couples who no longer want their marriage. Do people give up too easily? Do we never learn that marriage requires time, effort and commitment? Does no one ever tell us that the honeymoon phase is not designed to last forever? But marriage is because love is something that we keep working at.  
 
We don’t throw each other away for every whim. That was the person we were crazy enough to go before God and man to take a vow with. That ought to mean something. That ought to be worth the rest of our lives. But forever these days sadly has a shelf life of as little as 55 hours.
 
Married Too Soon?

Some fans speculated that they got married too soon and they should have taken the time to get to know each other better. While I see value in such statements, I wonder if it would truly have made a difference.  It’s not really about the length of time one spends dating or courting. It about the honesty, willingness and readiness of the two individual involved. Marriage is not easy, but you’ve got to make it work, if you choose it. It is a sacred affair.
 
The value and weightiness of marriage does not change simply because we feeble and fickle humans fail to uphold our end of the bargain. Marriage is still the most important institution in our society. Our entire world is founded on  marriage.
 
It pains me deeply whenever we fail at it, especially for the most trivial of reasons. But my pain must surely be incomparable to that of the two persons involved. These were after all two people who were once convinced they could make their love last forever.